There’s a lot of people I have to thank for helping me reach my lifelong goal. Ever since i was a young child, they said there was no way i could ever take acid successfully. They said i could never not freak out. WELL WE PROVED THEM WRONG. It took many years, years filled with pain and disgraced attempts, but I never gave up. I never gave up. Thats just not me. I’m not a failure. Like the great Albert Einstein Jr. said, “If thou fails, try, try again until thy fail so hard that ye shall succeed with the utmost dignity.” And succeed I did. Thank you for honoring this triumph of mine.
***Everyone knows this speech pretty well by now. But since today is his birthday I figured it would be an appropriate day to bask in his genius once again.
A horrible incident happened last Tuesday within the walls of your well known restaurant. I always knew that a trip to the emergency room was in the cards for me. However, I’m just glad the reasoning for that prophetic trip began in your fine establishment. How embarrassing it would have been if my beloved friends and family had to be informed of me eating at a less sophisicated place before my hopstialization. Now I can rest easy and with comfort, puffed out with pride, knowing my reputation has remained in tact. And in tact it will forever remain, very much due to your fine choices in atmosphere and cuisine. Thank you.