letter to applebees
I am writing to complain about the lack of attractiveness in your establishment. Not only was the hostess rotund but so were the gaggle of waitresses. I brought my son there for a specific reason, and that reason was to collect a wife. My son possesses a suitable weight and pride in appearance and I am honored to say that not one female thing (because that’s what they looked like, in my...
letter to boss
Dear Mr. Thing That Gives Me Money I have a proposal for you, one that will surely delight you and bring you to your knees with sheer terror of my expertise. I suggest you fire the following seven workers: Carl Birgno, Piggle Mc Pigglesworth, Betsy Deathmachine, Chococat Johnson, Skeletor, and that thing that takes out the garbage. Although their work ethnics are undeniably exceptional, their...
two great things
dear diary: today was great. i saw a school bus breakdown and they had to block off the entire street. and i saw a crazy man yelling about the impending return of God on the subway. Two great things! love, gina tron :) ps. i hope bobby compliments my new sweater