Hi Santa. I realize that it is early in the year, but I figure you will appreciate how I respect your time. I hope you and your hag are doing well up there. It must be awfully cold. But not as cold as my heart. A heart that can only be warmed through receiving presents. I need the following items and skills for Christmas this year:
I am writing to you with wonderful news. I, Gina Tron want and require a position at your magazine factory. The main reason for this is after acquiring a writing gig with the fashion magazine, BULLETT, my ex coworker joked that i should get a job at Guns & Ammo instead. His name is Bil Thompson, you may remember him as the shy photographer in episode #132 of “The City.”
I don’t know much about weaponry, but my reputation does! And does it ever. Although i don’t know much about guns, nor intend to, I do like wearing a belt of bullets across my chest from time to time….mostly to attend sophisticated rooftop gatherings. I can’t be bothered to know what type gun these bullets were birthed from, they may belong to an AK-47, they may belong to a pistol. All i know is that the metal brings out the green of my eyes.
I calculated how many hours it will be for you to receive this letter, and I will be waiting eagerly for your phone call at that time, give or take four hours. Also please enjoy the photographs i took of various street folk around the neighborhood (enclosed.) Also enclosed is a photograph of me with my son at a rooftop gathering. Look how the bullets bring out my eyes! You can’t help but notice!!